"Okay, who estimated the length of the bungee cord?"

Dilbert Comic Strip Archive - How to kill a bad CEO

This is a picture of an ISO 9001 compliance flag. Large companies might hang these around their office when doing an ISO 9001 initiative. Their employes will then feel like they are characters in Dilbert or Office Space. Either that, or they might feel like pawns of The Conspiracy.

ISO 9001 Illuminati Flag

] Saudi Arabia declared a state of alert and canceled all
] leave of its security forces on Friday after ailing King
] Fahd was taken to hospital, an Interior Ministry
] official said.

] "The authorities declared a state of alert, canceled all
] leave of the security forces and put forces on standby
] after the king was admitted to hospital," the official
] told Reuters.

So, as it turns out, the reason Bush and Fahd were holding hands is because the CIA gave Bush a poison (which we have an antidote for) that requires several minutes to dissolve through the skin. Its slow acting, so as not appear like an assassination attempt, and completely undetectable. The reason Bush was the one to deliver the poison is due to the fact that only the President can get around the past executive orders against political assassination.

This conspiracy theory was brought to you by Pepsi, the choice of a new generation.

Rattle's Conspiracy Theory of The Day

] Mr. Marbles is a cat who turns up dead, floating in a
] swimming pool. The prop is a jointed cloth construction,
] with pieces of plastic tubing to keep the limbs rigid,
] and filled with small air bladders to make it buoyant.
] The skull was cast in insulation foam in a silicone mold
] of an actual cat skull. The eyes and teeth are from a
] taxidermy supply company.

Everyone should have Mr. Marbles floating in their pool.

Mr. Marbles

... just what the title says.

"Ma'am, we're not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger."

Recorded off Howard Stern show.

California women calls 911 over Burger King drive-up mistake [MP3]

That, my friend, is Globalization! Finally, an explanation in English.

Pointed out via someone on the SE2600 mailing list. I'm pretty sure this is old, but its still relevant and funny.

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

] In a victory for pranksters at the Massachusetts
] Institute of Technology, a bunch of computer-generated
] gibberish masquerading as an academic paper has been
] accepted at a scientific conference.

] "Rooter" features such mind-bending gems as: "the model
] for our heuristic consists of four independent components:
] simulated annealing, active networks, flexible modalities,
] and the study of reinforcement learning" and "We implemented
] our scatter/gather I/O server in Simula-67, augmented with
] opportunistically pipelined extensions."

] The students were soliciting cash donations so they could
] attend the conference and give what Stribling billed as a
] "completely randomly-generated talk, delivered entirely
] with a straight face."
]
] They exceeded their goal, with $2,311.09 cents from 165 donors.

Everyone loves a good prank!

CNN.com - MIT students pull prank on conference - Apr 14, 2005

Please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over standard TCP/IP.

Dear Lord,

] Due to the fact that Jonnyx has been unresponsive to
] email and voicemail for over 48 hours we are proud to be
] able to make this once in a lifetime offer directly to
] YOU! Item is a slightly used Electric Cattle Prod that
] has been blessed by the Reverend Pope Jonny Anonymous
] himself!!! Item delivers high voltage shocks upon
] application!

My cattle-prod technique is unstoppable.

eBay item - Electric Shock Cattle Prod NORESERVE!!! L@@K!

Here are the rules you will follow on Feb 2nd.

This is will be the point in time it becomes clear the only reason Bush is pushing the doomed to fail effort to privatize Social Security is so he will have something to talk about other then Iraq and Terror. He is so comfortable saying the word "security" that it was natural.

The State of the Union Address Drinking Game 2005