Enjoy the wit and wisdom from the House of Britney.

It is best not to wear a denim miniskirt so short that when seated it practically disappears beneath the protuberance of one's pregnant belly, producing an image that is more gynecological than fashionable.

One came close to forgetting that she had encouraged the attention with her ... second husband known for displaying the tawdry, laconic demeanor of a pimp on weed.

Focus, focus, focus! A young woman was weeping. She was being pulled down by the pop culture undertow. She was begging for mercy. All the while, the gum continued to smack and crackle in her mouth. Her tears were dislodging her false eyelashes.

Why would Spears, with money and style professionals at her disposal, greet a television crew looking so terribly two-bit?

These were schoolgirl clothes turned discomforting and grotesque because their seams were being tested by a pregnant woman who seemed bewildered.

The interview has been removed from YouTube, but you can still find it on Buzznet. NBC also offers a transcript of the broadcast.

"I make good tea okay?"

Lauer: How far along are you?
Spears: I don’t know. I think six to seven months.

Spears: That driving incident, I did it with my dad. I’d sit on his lap and I drive. We’re country.

Hee haw!

Spears: To be good music it’s gotta be timeless. You know?

Spears: I just love funny people. Funny people are great. You know?

Speaking of funny people, let's detour for a moment:

The inventory of official gifts from 2004, published this week by the state department reads like the wish list of the sort of paranoid survivalist who holes up in his log cabin to await Armageddon, having long ago severed all ties with the rest of the world.

The president received a startling array of weapons, including assorted daggers, and a machete from Gabon. He got the braided whip with a wooden handle from the Hungarian prime minister. The "Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook", a gift from the Sultan of Brunei, has some tips on how to use some of these implements in a tight spot.

From Jordan: a small arsenal of guns, including a $10,000 sniper rifle; six jars of fertile volcanic soils found around the country; an aromatherapy gift set; scented candles and a pottery incense burner.

Now that's funny.

Oops, Again And Again