The best thing written so far on what the war did to people's souls.
"The weird thing with being a veteran, at least for me, is that you do feel better than most people," one of Klay's characters says. "You risked your life for something bigger than yourself. How many people can say that? You chose to serve. Maybe you didn't understand American foreign policy or why we were at war. Maybe you never will. But it doesn't matter. You held up your hand and said, 'I'm willing to die for these worthless civilians.' "
For a while there, I started ... I started thinking that God hates me. And, like I said, I'm not religious or anything, but I felt like there was this hate for me. 'Cause I did ... sins, you know? I sinned.
And, although I would have done it the same way, everything the same exact way ... I still would feel this way, you know? I'd still ... And that's the terrible thing of war, you know?
You do terrible things. And then you have to live with them afterwards.
But you'd do them the same way if you had to go back. So what do you do? You know. It's like a fucking ... It's an evil, evil, evil thing inside your body.
It's like fucking good versus evil inside there, and... everyone tells you, you know, you did a honorable thing. You did all right. You're all right. You did... you did what you had to do.
And I just hate that comment. "Did what you had to do." 'Cause I didn't have to do any of it. And that's what the fucking thing is. That's the hardest thing to deal with.
You know, I didn't have to do shit. I didn't have to go in the army. I didn't have to become airborne infantry. I didn't have to do any of that. But I did, you know?
And, that comment, "you did what you had to do," just drives me insane.
Because is that what God's going to say? "You did what you had to do, good job"? Punch you on the shoulder and fucking say, "welcome to heaven," you know? I don't think so.
Lawrence D. Freedman:
