Dad: [ craving attention ] I had a.. funny thing happen today at work. When I left the office, I had trouble unlocking my car. Then I realized I had the wrong set of keys.
Mom: Did somebody take your keys?
Dad: [ annoyed ] Can I finish the story? [ pauses in stern silence ] It turns out that I had accidentally taken Jeff Peabody's keys, and.. he had taken mine. We.. really had a long laugh.
Mom: Mmm, I thought that's who took them.
...
Dad: I am a Division Manager!! That is very important!! That is very important!! You don't talk to me like that!! People are scared of me!!
Daughter: Why would anybody be scared of you! I hate you, you big fat terd!
[ stunned, they continue to eat in awkward, confined silence ]
...
Dad: Did you pick up my dry cleaning?
Mom: Hmm, it's not ready until Thursday.
Dad: I thought you said it'd be ready today?
Mom: No, it's going to be ready Thursday.
Dad: You know, I have that big meeting tomorrow.
Mom: Well, I'm sorry.
Dad: I wish you weren't a liar!
Mom: I didn't lie, Ted.
Dad: I wish you weren't a liar!
Mom: I wish you wouldn't call me a liar!
Dad: Don't raise your voice at me!
Mom: I am not raising my voice!
Dad: You do not talk to me like that!! I work too hard to deal with this stuff!! I work too hard!! I'm a Division Manager in charge of 49 people!! I drive a Dodge Stratus!!
[ their screaming comes to an end, as the agonizing silence returns ]
