For years I had been borrowing this particular piece of sartorial equipment. Now I felt that I had reached the stage in life where I needed something that fit right, set the appropriate tone, and was hanging in my own closet ready for use. I am not talking about a tuxedo.

...

All right, I thought. I'll buy polyethylene. There were other decisions, too. I also had to choose a color.

Did I want groin protection? Well, why not?