] On May 19, 1995, I received a standard-sized gray
] envelope, stuffed with what looked like, through a small
] cellophane window, a check for $95,093.35.

] The documents I had expected to make me cry actually
] made me laugh out loud. First Interstate Bank of
] California was abbreviated throughout as FICAL. An acronym
] pronounced as fecal, not fical, I thought. This is a fecal
] matter.

Bank Error In My Favor: Collect $95,000: Man 1, Bank 0

] Murfreesboro police officers were astonished when their
] shift's commander, Lt. Alvin Randolph, came into morning
] roll call on Jan. 22 and announced that, after some
] departmental changes, non-Christian officers and those
] with more than 25 years on the force should look for
] other jobs.
]
]
] It was the beginning of a morning-long disturbance in
] which, officers say, Randolph started to draw his gun on
] another officer and an emergency radio call summoned all
] available officers back to the police station. Randolph
] was placed on paid administrative leave later that
] morning.

Murfreesboro officers tell of disturbance at roll call

] These weapons are made to cause panic, terror, and to
] demoralize. If we don't run around like sheep they won't
] use this stuff after they find out it's no fun. The
] government is going nuts over this stuff because they
] have to protect every inch of America. You've only gotta
] protect yourself, and by doing that, you help the
] country.

This could be done better, but its interesting nonetheless. Its very matter of fact. People don't fear what they understand.

What to do if you are attacked with Chemical, Biological and Nuke weapons.

What happens when you play Counterstrike too much? You end up with a potty mouth. And some enemies:
So, the story goes that co-worker A got sick of co-worker B's constant profanity whilst playing Counter Strike. Co-worker A then hid a microphone next to co-worker B's desk, and captured this stream of rantings. Then, as co-worker A was a member of an electronic music-making concern, he endeavored to edit it all together. The end result was this: The Terrible Mr. G.

The Terrible Mr. G

] CHICAGO (Reuters) - A Ford Motor Co. executive paid a
] rare tribute to one of his company's fiercest competitors
] Wednesday, saying the hot-selling Camry from Toyota Motor
] Corp. was a better car than Ford's Taurus.
]
] "Very frankly, Camry is a better product than Taurus
] today," said Jim O'Connor, who heads Ford's sales and
] marketing division for North America, speaking to
] reporters at the Chicago Auto Show.

Ford exec: Camry better car than Taurus

] A saga over the frozen sperm of a reputed New York
] mobster who smuggled it out of prison to impregnate his
] wife has come to an end with its destruction, a
] prosecutor said on Thursday.

Now that's just nasty.

Mob convict's smuggled sperm destroyed

] Real patriots don't hack. Uncle Sam says only he can do
] that.

Government warns 'patriot hackers'

] Once you've got your duct tape and plastic sheeting,
] Homeland Security suggests choosing a room in your home
] that is internal (not facing the street or yard) and
] large enough to accommodate your family in the case of
] attack. According to the HSD website, "ten square feet of
] floor space per person will provide sufficient air to
] prevent carbon dioxide build-up for up to five hours."
]
] You've got your room picked out - now what? Pre-measuring and cutting the plastic to fit each opening (i.e. windows and vents) can save a lot of time later. Having this plastic ready to go may mean the difference between having a nervous breakdown and having a nervous breakdown while affixing large sheets of vinyl to your windows.

OH MY GOD I DON'T HAVE AN INTERNAL ROOM, ALL MY ROOMS FACE THE YARD OR THE STREET!!!! OH, DEAR JESUS, I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!! ALSO I DO NOT HAVE DUCT TAPE!

TIME.com: Living With Terrorism: A How-to Guide

] Revised in September 2002, Are You Ready? provides a
] step-by-step outline on how to prepare a disaster supply
] kit, emergency planning for people with disabilities, how
] to locate and evacuate to a shelter, and even contingency
] planning for family pets. Man-made threats from hazardous
] materials and terrorism are also treated in detail. The
] guide details opportunities for every citizen to become
] involved in safeguarding their neighbors and communities
] through FEMA's Citizen Corps (www.citizencorps.gov)
] initiative and Community Emergency Response Team training
] program.

FEMA: Are You Ready? A Guide to Citizen Preparedness

] "...nothing says "I'm too inconsiderate to give you something
] thoughtful" than a generic box of chocolates and a cheap
] stuffed animal.
]
] "A bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine or champagne and
] a nice dinner are all she really expects," she said.
] "Valentine's Day is just about being together and
] remembering why you love each other."

Men only spend more on Valentine's Day because they think women expect it. We don't. Seriously, all I want is a clean house, a nice dinner, and maybe a little bit o' sex.

Survey: Men spend more on Valentines