Austin, TX - The board of directors of Dell ruled unanimously that the present CEO, Michael Dell, was being replaced by Vishnu the Orangutan, a resident of the Calcutta Zoo in India.
A spokesperson via satellite from Bombay said that Mr. Dell was just too expensive. “We are tired of the drain on profits that his million dollar salary, paid vacations, political campaign donations and stock options are causing,” said board member Terrence Thompson.
Many analysts now question whether Dell is still an American corporation, especially now that the CEO is a great ape in India. Prudential’s Benjamin Bloom said, "Our current beliefs are that if the CEO is an American, the company is American, regardless of how much of the work is done by Americans

Dell CEO Replaced by Calcutta Orangutan

Now I have truly seen it all... Maybe I have reached the end of the internet. Maybe it's just those whacky Germans again.

Football mania while urinating ! It will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan. "klokicker – the footaball-urinal-sieve" ... is a green plastic inset for a urinal, with a football goal installed on top. A football dangles in front of the goal.

The accuracy the male guests are capable of is now on the line and they have to "KICK" the ball into the goal. Bull’s eye! And the ball changes color. A lot of fun for top goal scorers!

Better urinal aim thru soccer

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- Old pay phones are selling like they're going out of style.

Collectors have made an online rush to buy BellSouth's boxy old pay phones that have been refurbished for home use, after the Atlanta-based company decided to pull out of a coin-operated phone business that had withered in the wireless age.

"It's a novelty. You just don't usually see pay phones in people's homes," said Hugh Bowen, a retired Atlanta police officer who bought one of the 30-pound phones. "I thought it was so neat and I always wanted one. When I saw this opportunity I jumped on it."

About 500 orders for the $135 phones were filled in the two months they've been for sale, and now there's a waiting list of about 300 more people.

Phreakin k3wl!

The 37-year-old mother of two, who filed for a divorce in January, said that each month she spends $600 on hair, $250 on nails, $150 on electrolysis, $450 on facials, $500 for her trainer and $600 each on Pilates, massages, and therapy.

$4k in monthly dermatology and hair removal expenses?

Lifestyle of the Richie and famous

"The basics of the Nietzschean regimen are simple," Hollingdale wrote in the book's foreword. "The dieter exercises a painful amount of self-honesty in order to identify the primary object of his or her deepest human dread as personified by a wide-ranging group of foodstuffs. Once the dieter's Fear has been identified, he eats that food exclusively, in unlimited amounts, until the food no longer appetizes or frightens him. Having completed his gorge and transcended his fear, the dieter fasts for 20 days on water and Simple Salad. The dieter also engages in moderate metaphysical exercise, drinks eight brimming bowls of water every day, and 'opens the Gates of Dread and Fiber that remain closed to him in his Mundane Life' by taking fiber supplements."

Too damn funny! Brings back nightmares of freshman philosophy seminars...

Onion: New Nietzschean Diet Lets You Eat Whatever You Fear Most

]W1ld wrote:
] So all those Haitian rebels are on the CIA bankroll?
] Right.........
] Haitie is such a strategic country for the US to take over,
] you know.
] Im sure that North Korea is shaking in there boots right now
] at the coup d'etat that Bush pulled off in Haitie.

GWB probably had Aristide ushered out because his KKK wizard wanted him to and also so that Cheney and Halliburton could corner the market on Haitian vodoo products.

If we were going to pursue coups around the world, there are many more strategic places to do it than Haiti. Honestly, it's not that important nor does it have anything valuable to anyone who would care to exploit it.

RE: Aristide says U.S. deposed him in 'coup d'etat'

fractal wrote:
] must. learn. to wheelie!

Fractal wants to be a squid. ;-)

Squid
n. pl. squids or squid
Any of various marine cephalopod mollusks of the genus Loligo and related genera, having a usually elongated body, ten arms surrounding the mouth, a vestigial internal shell, and a pair of triangular or rounded fins.

RE: Wheelie school

BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4 million compulsory same-sex marriages that will take place in the state by May 15.
Marshall added: "Since the allowance of gay marriage undermines heterosexual unions, we decided to work a few steps ahead and strike down opposite-sex unions altogether."
Massachusetts has one of the highest concentrations of gay households in the country, at 1.3 percent, according to the 2000 census. Under the new laws, the figure is expected to increase by approximately 98.7 percentage points.

Riduculous, yes but it does show what a silly issue this whole thing is.

Onion:Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry

Burlington, VT - Howard Dean dropped out of the Democratic presidential race on Wednesday, and declared himself King of the new nation of Vermontia.
“The people have spoken,” said Dean, “damn them!” He added, “The dismal performance of my campaign proves the American people are not ready for democracy. Clearly we need a monarchy.” He stated that Vermont is leaving the US to become Vermontia, and he would rule as King Howard I.

Bahahahaha! ROFLMAO. BB Spot & Onion.com should be required reading.

Parody:Dean Quits Race, Declares Himself King of Vermontia

I didn't think it would ever happen but Tampa's shock jock has been ditched by Clear Channel. How do you kiss away a #1 rated morning show syndicated in 20 some markets?

TAMPA - (AP) -- Radio giant Clear Channel Communications agreed to fire popular radio talk-show host Bubba the Love Sponge after deciding his raunchy radio show didn't fit its standards, company President John Hogan said Tuesday.

In a statement, Hogan said Clear Channel Radio supported the decision of the managers of WXTB-FM in Tampa in severing its contract with the host, whose sexually explicit morning show prompted a proposed $715,000 fine from the Federal Communications Commission last month.

Bubba the Love Sponge's radio show a washout Bubba the Love Sponge's radio show a washout