VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday.
"In the past 10 years, unholy emissions from young men have risen by 150 million cubic centimeters, releasing erotic-dream byproducts into the bedsheet environment," Bertoli said. "The accumulation of pollutants from millions of individual violators around the world is having a devastating effect on the moral atmosphere."

Vatican scientists believe the increase in emissions contributes to the Hothouse Effect, a steady rise in the overall temperature of the average Catholic male's genitals.

"Unchecked, we will soon reach a crisis point that no amount of will power can contain," Bertoli said.

Bahahaha

Onion: Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emission Standards

However, Hakus warned that sexual intercourse before running could hit any athlete’s concentration. —Reuters

Sex makes women sprinters faster, says German coach

When the doctor told the patient to quit smoking.. He wasn't kidding...

SEATTLE (Reuters) - Seattle police launched an investigation on Friday to determine how a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery caught on fire at a local hospital in 2003.

The male patient, who was not identified, went up in flames after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.

The patient died after the surgery but that was due to heart failure and not the fire, said Dr. Robert Caplan, medical quality director of Virginia Mason.

Caplan said fires are known to occur in operating rooms although they were extremely rare.

The two-year-old incident became publicly known after an anonymous letter sent to the media mentioned it as a sign of unsafe health care at the hospital, and said the patient burned to death.

Caplan strongly disputed its contents. "That letter is factually incorrect," he said.

Man Catches Fire During Surgery

So the sky "isn't" falling? Hmmmmmm

Add up the published claims about disease prevalence and the average American has at least two ailments at a time.

Who's pushing the high numbers? Skeptical bio-statisticians blame drug companies and reporters for much of the hype. They also blame research institutes and disease foundations seeking more public spending on particular diseases.

''They always take the high-end numbers,'' said Mary Grace Kovar, a senior health statistician at the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center in Washington. ''They want the money, power and prestige'' that flow when a disease looks like a major problem.

Former National Institutes of Health Director Dr. Harold Varmus, who's now the president of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York, fought hard against using such estimates to justify research spending. He called it ''body-based budgeting'' and argued that NIH's billions should be targeted instead to areas that promise the greatest scientific and therapeutic advances.

Kovar and other biostatisticians fault reporters for trying to make new diseases newsy.

Americans' health not as dire as it sounds

Simple recipes for mental health....

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Sex, cryptic crosswords and a good run could help ward off dementia and other degenerative conditions by stimulating new brain cells, an Australian researcher said Thursday.

Perry Bartlett, a professor at the University of Queensland's Brain Institute, said mental and physical exercise helped create and nurture new nerve cells in the brain, keeping it functional and warding off diseases such as Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.

"Perhaps one should run a long distance and do the cryptic crossword, " Bartlett told Australian radio.

He said a chemical called prolactin appeared to promote new cells in the brain and could be found in high levels in pregnant women.

"Prolactin levels also go up during sex as well. So one could think of a number of more entertaining activities than running in order to regulate the production of nerve cells," Bartlett said.

Fend Off Dementia with Sex, Crosswords and a Run

Isn't it ironic, dont'cha think?

WEDNESDAY, Feb. 23 (HealthDay News) -- By suppressing inflammation in the brain, a synthetic marijuana compound could potentially offer some protection against Alzheimer's disease, Spanish scientists report.

The researchers, who studied the brain tissue of deceased Alzheimer's patients, discovered that many of these patients lose the function of important cannabinoid brain receptors, which seem to guard against cognitive decline.

They further discovered in a rat study involving synthetic marijuana that when these brain receptors were working, they reduced the brain inflammation that is associated with Alzheimer's.

"This is the first time the effects of such damage have been found in Alzheimer's patients," said study co-author Maria de Ceballos, head of the neurodegeneration group at the Cajal Institute, Spain's largest neuroscience research center, in Madrid. "Previously, it has been known only in those with acute brain damage from trauma."

The findings appear in the Feb. 23 issue of The Journal of Neuroscience.

Marijuana-like Ingredient Could Slow Alzheimer's

WTF?!?!?

Alex Crionas will not receive a new kidney because he solicited for donors on the Internet.

By Associated Press
Published February 24, 2005

ORANGE CITY - A Tampa organ donor institute has denied giving a kidney transplant to a man because he had a Web site seeking a donor.

Alex Crionas had planned to receive a kidney from Patrick Garrity after they became friends last year. They went through blood and tissue testing last month at LifeLink HealthCare Institute, which coordinates the transplant program for Tampa General Hospital. They were declared physically compatible for the operation.

Then Crionas, 28, got a letter this month from LifeLink, a nonprofit that links patients and donors, telling him his request for surgery was rejected because of his Web site.

"I was dumbfounded," Crionas said. "We didn't even meet through the Web site."

Though it is common for patients to find donors among family members, the organizations that head the nation's organ procurement program try to make sure people are not illegally buying or selling organs.

The United Network for Organ Sharing and the American Society of Transplant Surgeons both released statements last fall opposing solicitation of organs through Web sites, billboards or media outlets.

"There is an order and hierarchy established for transplants," said Danny Hawke, senior vice president of LifeLink. "There are a lot more people needing organs than donating them."

Man denied transplant because of his Web site

Who would have thought that? ? ? I am in utter shock at this news.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A New Jersey man has filed a false advertising lawsuit against a maker of herbal penis enlargement pills, alleging the medicine does not fulfill its promises, the plaintiff's lawyer said on Monday.

Two similar cases, filed last year in Colorado and Ohio, accuse manufacturers of herbal dietary supplements, VigRx and Enzyte, of falsely claiming to be able to add substantial length and girth to a man's penis.

Surprised Customer Says Penis Pills Don't Work

Ouch!

LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.
She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

unlawful wounding ?

flynn23 wrote:
] ] The doctors behind one of the nation's most comprehensive
] ] public health studies have concluded what most dieters
] ] already know: Chugging down sodas packs on the pounds.
]
] No more Dr. Peppers for me.

Pretty loose and over-generalized science IMHO... You could apply similar theories and findings to Krispy Kreme donuts, Frappuccinos or egad, Hooters Chicken Wings if you really tried. Researchers will turn us into a society of total food-o-phobics within 20 yrs. Phuckit. You only live once.

RE: Researchers link soft drinks to diabetes