THE FOLLOWING DESCRIBES THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF FRANCE AT WAR.

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare;
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frenchophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare;

"France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare;

"We can always beat the French."

This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Or, how to take a great opportunity and blow it.

Segway's Breakdown

When the videotape in the VCR is replaced by a hard drive so that the copy made is as good as the original and can be shared over the Internet with a multitude of people, the right to record looks more--at least in the view of several media companies--like a license to steal.

Oh for CRYING OUT LOUD! Get out of the way and let it happen already. We've only been waiting 10+ years for this to happen. It's finally all here, and you idiots are still trying to stop it. You'd think after 10 years, you'd have figured out how to make the transition by now.

Recording Restricted

Concerned that your children might not be getting the guidance that they need in their quest to grow up to be healthy and productive citizens of the Homeland? Worry no more!

FASCIST WEB SITES FOR CHILDREN!

The war in Afganistan is being waged daily and without much news from the media. There have been very few actual video displays of combat or combat photography. Here is one of an actual combat mission. I don't know whether to be in awe or petrified in fear.

** WARNING! The Video may be disturbing due to violence! **

Your tax dollars at work

Some very interesting information here. In particular, check out the 9/11 timeline, which details the events of the day and leading up to the day. It becomes clear that there are a lot of unanswered questions, the investigation of which the administration is attempting to block. Why did the jets not scramble to intercept once the planes were suspected to be hijacked, when it is standard operating procedure to do so? (note that interception is NOT the same as shooting them down, but puts fighters in a position to do so) Serious investigation into this and other issues would uncover a scandal much bigger than Watergate: the Bush administration was complicit in the attacks of 9/11, if not actually behind them.
Insane? Read it for yourself, and ask, just what has the administration gained from 9/11? An endless, profitable, global war, amazing popularity, righteousness, complete amnesia about the judicial coup, Total Information Awareness, Fatherland Security, unprecidented secrecy, the ability to perpetually detain and execute anyone, citizen or not, *accused* of terrorism, in secret, with no evidence and no representation.
It is clear that they had been warned. With so much to gain, why would they try to stop it?

Center For Cooperative Research (911 Scandal)

President Bush's economic stimulus plan could triple the size of a little-known tax loophole that some small business owners are using to finance purchases of large SUVs

Dubya is NOT a Big Oil Man, right?

You know it's bad when ever the Brits are scratching their heads.

The United States of America has gone mad

Helen Thomas, the most senior member of the White House press corps, really socked it to Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer on Monday over the issue of Iraq. Check out the hook while DJ revolves it:

Helen Thomas Socks it to the White House

A fairly good article (from the Tennessean no less) about the state of the music industry and how it got here. With some interesting comments from labels, publishers, and distribution people.

The future of music is access to every track, all the time in ... a celestial jukebox - Sunday, 01/12/03