NEW YORK—At a press conference Monday, drug giant Pfizer formally introduced Hoagizine, a pharmaceutical-grade Turkey-Bacon-Guacamole Melt so delicious, it's only available by prescription.
"Made with lean white turkey breast, hickory-smoked bacon, zesty guacamole, Boston leaf lettuce, and ripe tomatoes on crusty French bread, Hoagizine is indicated in the treatment of lunchtime satisfaction dysfunction," said Stephen Spencer, Pfizer's head of research and product development. "But Hoagizine is only available after consultation with a physician, so be sure to ask your doctor if this new sandwich is right for you."

Onion: New Prescription Only Sandwich Extra Delicious