The emotional climax of "Star Wars: Episode II -- Attack of the Clones" is fabulous. Soaring and majestic, it reaches deep inside you to stroke chords of fond memory, to reaffirm the pleasure and healing power of narrative, to liberate the imagination.

Unfortunately, it comes in the first two seconds.

After that, the movie doesn't go downhill or uphill; it doesn't go anywhere. It flatlines.

Memo to George Lucas: Hire an editor, bud.

... It's too long, it's too dull, it's too lame. Lucas seems to have based this episode on "The McLaughlin Group."