Sailor Jerry's Spiced Navy Rum ($16-$25 750ml)

In this review you'll read the word “bouquet” only once. There.

Named for the legendary tattoo artist, you'll find this liquor nicely spiced and fiery in a friendly Puff-the-Magic-Dragon sort of way. I can assure you without qualification that this 92-proof contender is one of the few rums suitable for shooting straight. Which I did.

After five shots you'll feel as if you're relaxing on the deck of your own personal pirate ship; the sky is clear and the world is yours for the taking. A couple more and you and your mates may launch into lusty shanties about won battles and lost loves. As you approach the tenth visit to the well, you may become curious as to what would happen to certain objects if they were flung into a rapidly-spinning ceiling fan. Around 15 shots or so (you may lose count at this point), you'll— well, you'll probably remember as much as I do, which isn't much.

I do remember a dull hangover surprisingly mild for a heavier rum. Very hard to find fault with this winner, and unfortunately equally hard to find in liquor stores. Their website can point you in the right direction, however: http://www.sailorjerry.com/rum.php.