I love Steve Jobs. Why? Because when he speaks, he doesn't deal with details or nuance—everything is a sweeping proclamation. I like that. His take on Amazon Kindle, for instance, makes it pretty clear Apple won't be making the actual "iPod of reading":

"It doesn't matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don't read anymore... The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don't read anymore."

Of course, if it's anything like his past declarations that Apple wasn't making a phone, they're totally cooking up a Kindle-killer in the lab at this very moment. It'll be the thinnest one ever and have AT&T 3G, but not a built-in antenna.

Also on his "give up now, fools" list: Android."Having created a phone, it's a lot harder than it looks. We'll see how good their software is and we'll see how consumers like it and how quickly it is adopted." Besides,

"I actually think Google has achieved their goal without Android, and I now think Android hurts them more than it helps them. It's just going to divide them and people who want to be their partners."

Is that a thinly veiled threat? I mean, Google and Apple are pretty tight right now. Like, partners even. Oh shits, it's on.

But he did have something nice to say to our man Bill Gates, though John Markoff doesn't know whether his eye was twitching as he spoke. "Bill's retiring from Microsoft is a big deal," he said. "It's a significant event, and I think he should be honored for the contributions he's made." Implied dig: I'm still gonna be running Apple, bitches—my "contributions" are far from over.null