Emma Clarke the voice of the London Underground has just been fired for recording and posting some spoofs on her own website. "Mind the gap" no more. (To spare Emma's server and in case she is forced to remove the files for some reason: External linkage to streaming mp3's of these spoofs are below)

"Do not drop litter on the train. Please use the tramps provided"

"Warning, this is an emergency. I've chipped a nail"

"Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read a paper, but is actually staring at that woman's chest, please stop. You are not fooling anyone. You filthy pervert"

We'd like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loud."

"Passengers should note that the bearded gentleman's rucksack contains the following items only: Some sandwiches, a library card and a picture of a bare ankle and is no cause for alarm"