Threats
If you don’t stop I'll knock you in the head and tell God you died.
Why don’t you just take a long walk off a short pier?

Poor Character
She could make a preacher cuss!
Hell, she could even depress the devil.
You could start an argument in an empty house.
He'd gripe with a ham under each arm.
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.
He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob.
He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
She's so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
If brains were leather, he wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.

A little strange
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy's about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
He's acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

Not Particularly Intelligent
The engine's runnin' but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose
He's so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
The driveway don't go all the way to the house.

Talking about Money
He's so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
You've got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.
He's tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.