Hello? I won a trial gym membership? How did you get my name? You pulled it out of a fishbowl? Do you have any idea who I am? I don't have any legs. And I have only one hand. I lost them over in Iraq. No, don't worry about it. I'm fine now. But I probably won't use it, so you might want to give it to someone else.

The next time you think you have problems, read this.