Now that the election is behind us, and the Democrats control both houses of Congress, there's no reason not to admit it: the Right was right about us all along. Here is our 25-point manifesto for the new Congress:

3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act

4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses

6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein
9. All taxes to be tripled

10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated

12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish

13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems

15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8

18. God to be mocked roundly
21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy

22. Texas returned to Mexico

23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day