DO leave your iPod conspicuously out next to the keyboard

Like the colorful plumage of a peacock in the animal kingdom, iPods are the sleek fleathers that we humans spread to attract the opposite sex. If you're listening to music in the lab, leave your iPod in plain sight, where a passing female can see it. If she smiles approvingly, nod at her, then caw and peck at her flesh. This will show her that you are interested as well.

DON'T post to a blog

I cannot stress this enough: do not let a girl see you posting to any kind of blog. You will never, ever get laid. Seriously. Take it from me.

Haha this really made me laugh today.