After news broke that local law enforcement officials were investigating complaints that Louis Beres, longtime chairman of the Christian Coalition of Oregon, had molested three female family members when they were pre-teens, The Oregonian in Portland went out and interviewed Beres' family members.

Two told reporters that Beres, indeed, had molested them. All three said they have been interviewed for several hours by detectives.

"I was molested," said one of the women, now in her early 50s. "I was victimized, and I've suffered all my life for it. I'm still afraid to be in the same room with [Beres]."

Yep, God told me to molest my kids, and it was obviously in His plan, because that's how I became head of the Christian Coalition.

Or, just to make sure I understand this correctly, Muslim fundamentalists blow themselves up, Christian fundamentalists molest little girls and Catholic fundamentalists molest little boys. And who is our next contestant?