The cow that was found last week to have mad cow disease spent its whole life in Texas, making it the first domestic case of the disease, the United States Department of Agriculture said yesterday.

"I, for one, will continue to eat red meat, and intend to do so later tonight with complete confidence," [Gov] Perry said. He later issued a revised statement that dropped the reference to his dinner plans but added that Texas beef was "as safe today as it was yesterday."

Hear that everybody, its just as safe today as it was yesterday. No cause for concern. Move along.