I'm upset that when we were growing up all we got was a "just say no" line. No reason, just because we said so...I've lost so many friends to drugs (though I'm pretty sure most of them are still alive, but all they live for is being high), and it would have been very easy for me to have gone the same route...

It upsets me that I had to learn from experience the reasons why drug abuse (including alcohol) is bad...why does our culture avoid talking about this honestly...

I can tell you having gone through the DARE program as a kid, and having cops lie to me left and right about drugs contributed to my not believing them about anything they said about drugs. I mean, if I know pot doesnt make you into a homocidal maniac like I was told, why should I trust them when they say that other drugs are bad...now if they had just told me that sometimes pot can make you into a lazy ambitionless person that doesnt really care about anything (like it does to some people) then I would have been more open to listening when they said bad things about other drugs.

I know so many brilliant, wonderful people that have been destroyed by drug abuse. those who know me have undoubtedly heard of my one time good friend, Kenny, just the most recent of my Texas friends to have quite litterally lost their minds as a result of serious drug abuse. Its a sad thing to morn a friend when they're still alive. I'm sure its a far far sadder thing to morn their passing, my heard goes out to all those that knew Brad.

--Abaddon

flynn23 wrote:
] Folks,
]
] Now that I've had a few days to decompress, I wanted to thank
] everyone here and at Fazed for your kind words and expressions
] of sympathy. Brad's family got to see some of the posts and
] they were really excited about the amazing impact their son
] had not only on people in real life, but people that have
] never met him face to face. That was really the kind of guy
] Brad was.
]
] I have lost many friends to battles with addiction, and I can
] tell you that it has gotten a lot harder over the years, not
] easier. This came as a complete shock. You don't expect this
] at our age anymore. Brad had not used for about 8 years. But
] frankly, he was in a slow steady decline as he had started
] drinking again about 18 months ago. I should know... I was his
] drinking buddy.
]
] You generally don't think much about this when it comes to
] some addicts. There is a distinction between an alcoholic and
] a drug abuser, and Brad had worked through his steps with
] vigor throughout his years of sobriety. If anything, he seemed
] as though he had figured out how to manage his life very well.
] He had a new place. A new job. A budding relationship. Was
] doing well by every account. But I am reminded that this is
] usually when the bottom falls out for most people.
]
] A lot of people have requested 'the story.' Well, I'll tell
] you. Brad had recently been spending more and more time with
] some old friends. And by old friends, I'm talking about former
] using buddies. Some of them had cleaned up, but some of them
] hadn't. And one in particular had just suffered a major
] relapse. Brad's last communique to a special friend was "I'm
] going to help a friend." This friend had shot up, and Brad had
] gone to take care of him. In the process, the two of them had
] probably gotten drunk and smoked some pot. This friend's
] girlfriend came over and was very upset because her boyfriend
] had shot up. To console her, the friend left for a few hours,
] leaving Brad alone; unable to drive home; sitting with his
] longtime demon right in front of him. It's my belief that this
] was basically mental gladiator combat. It was him and the
] needle, and only one of them was coming out. When the friend
] returned, he found Brad unconscious, but revived him. Brad
] assured him that he was okay. And they both fell asleep. Brad
] never awoke.
]
] Now it's easy to say things like "drugs suck" and "why do
] people do this junk" but the fact is that we all have our
] demons to deal with. When you're in the wrong place, at the
] wrong time, with the wrong people, in a weakened mental
] state... you're highly likely to make the wrong decision. This
] one cost Brad his life. I can't imagine a human alive that
] wouldn't have followed the same error chain at some point. The
] odds could've gone the other way and Brad would be alive, but
] facing a very steep mountain to climb in regaining his balance
] in sobriety. We should all be thankful that our mistakes
] aren't so costly.
]
] So at this point, you're left with a ton of guilt and anger
] and frustration, but no place to put it. It's not our fault
] that Brad had relapsed. It's not our fault that Brad had been
] lieing to friends about his other drug usage. It's not our
] fault that Brad had been keeping mutual friends apart so that
] they couldn't put 2 and 2 together. It's not our fault that
] Brad had not been hanging with people who were more upbuilding
] to his stability. But it still feels like it is nonetheless.
] Especially for me, because I should know better. It was all
] right there in front of me, but I couldn't see it.
]
] I saw Brad at least once a week. We'd email almost every day.
] He was like my brother. We talked a lot about his sobriety,
] his issues, his fears and health. He looked me right in the
] eye last Saturday night and promised me he wouldn't shoot dope
] again. Just like he had many times before. I beleived him and
] I believe that he was telling the truth at the time even now.
] But I'm still angry with him and angry with myself.
]
] Brad wasn't the most noticeable guy. He didn't have a fancy
] title or an impressive career. Didn't live in a large house or
] have many material things. Wasn't the tallest or biggest guy
] you'd seen. Didn't have a powerful voice. Wasn't the smartest
] guy you'd met. Didn't have a lot of trophies or awards for
] things he was good at. Didn't have a parade of really
] important people at his wake.
]
] But I'm telling you he had all of that. He was all of those
] things.
]
] During the eulogies, everyone kept repeating the same words:
]
] "picked up where we left off"
] "always the first to be there when I needed someone"
] "was the coolest guy I ever met"
] "introduced me to some of my favorite things"
] "taught me how to be a friend"
] "was the most thoughtful person I'd ever met"
] "loved his family and friends so much"
] "had the greatest smile"
] "had the most infectious laugh"
]
] Those words will ring in my heart for the rest of my life,
] because I've never met a person that they were so true for.
]
] So what have I learned in this experience?
]
] 1) If you think someone needs help, respond with relentless
] diligence. Don't worry about being a pest. Being a pest is so
] much better than being a grieving friend.
]
] 2) There are drugs, and then there's heroin.
]
] 3) The man who has true friends truly has everything he could
] ever need.
]
] 4) When bad things happen, let them transform a part of you
] that is better than it was before. That is the greatest honor
] you can give to someone.
]
] 5) Always return people's phone calls, even when you're sick
] or tired, or not feeling like it.
]
] I want to share a poem that Brad wrote in 1986. Ironically, it
] was written on the exact same day in 1986 that he was buried
] in 2004. This poem was distributed by one of Brad's friends as
] we were burying Brad. Emotions were certainly at their highest
] and most of us had already lost it and were weeping
] uncontrollably. But Brad's personality is perfectly caputured
] in the following words and he played his last note perfectly:
]
] The Force of Time has no limit.
] Time plays the ultimate part in our lives. Time effects us at
] every moment. Time cannot be stopped except by the end of
] Time.
] The end of Time will be when Time's Force wears thin, in some
] distant generation, and Time slows and eventually stops.
] Imagine Time stopping and all past Times converging on the
] same plane. That will cause the Ultimate End.
] The Ultimate End will be like someone turning a television set
] off. It (everything) will all just suck into the giant vacuum
] of the space of nothing. All life & non-life will just
] dissolve, except for one Ozzy Osbournce record which will
] stand as a memorandum of our race... because... Ozzy Rules
] Eternally... even beyond the Ultimate End.

RE: I am sad, and unhappy...